Best Sentences of the Semester

"The ability to manipulate people threw he say/she say I believe is amazing."
-From a student looking forward to a career in law, he didn't specify which side.

"There was a time, like in the 1800s, when women were not valued for their beauty."
-Written in test essay in purple pen.

"Boy was u wrong."
-Why this would ever need to be written in even a quasi-academic paper puzzles me.

"But now that I have had time to reflect, I now see how it has been detrimental to my success in my first semester of college."
-In an essay on how x program HELPED him. Right click, synonym...not antonym.

Shopping for Chotchkies

As much as I hate supporting the school bookstore, they have some wonderful crap for those who are more inclined to eccentric (i.e. ridiculous or odd) gifts (i.e. academics, specifically anthropologists).

Essays

My students are struggling with the concept of identify AND explain.

I am struggling with the concept of describing " your motivation, academic preparation, and aptitude for graduate study...describe your academic plans and research interests, your specialization within your academic field, your research experiences and your career goals." in 500 words.

two of my favorite things

Kittens and Pessimism...brilliant!

Please

22 bucks for transcripts from one school with NO rush orders... please AND waiting in line for 45 min to place the order.

going to a state school is a great deal until you realize you'll pay out the nose for for every "extra."

Getting Up Early is the Pits

What I have done since waking up at 5:30:

1. Said a rosary to put myself back to sleep. This always works. I'm usually in La-La Land by the second batch of Hail Marys.
2. Checked my email.
3. Played on blog.
4. Checked my email-still nothing new.
5. Fed the cat and the husband.
6. Played on Myspace/Facebook.
7. Contemplated my new haircut. It has gotten mixed reviews.
8. Checked my email-still nothing new.
9. Revised personal statement.
10. Checked my email-new email from myself.
11. Played on blog (again).

Teachers are People Too

"Prof. F did you ever drink when you were in college?"
No. I was locked in a room on campus and only let out to attend classes and go to the library. I never drank or had any fun. All I did was read and write.*

"As the only White person in the class, I think..."
Dear students I too am White and a person.


*Despite the fact that this is currently all I do (plus teaching my little darlings), I did have moments of greatness as an undergrad. I looking forward to their return.

WTF, NWR

I have been alternating between completing my thesis /working on applications to PhD programs and grading.

I am tired of writing the same comments on papers and trying to decipher whether, in any circumstance, x could be a valid answer.
What I really want to write on MOST of the papers is WTF, NWR (What the Fuck, Not Worth Reading).

I figure these abbreviations are perhaps more beneficial than my 1/2 page of suggestions on how to improve one's writing. Based on the redundancy of mistakes, no one is bothering to read those.

Update- because it's more fun than my thesis or personal statement

A vignette between myself and one of the students with lame excuses:

After the second midterm

Txting Timmy: "It's really easy if you read."

Me (to myself): "No shit asshole."
Me (out loud): "It is always easier if you've prepared. How do you feel about the test?"

Txting Timmy: "It was so easy, like a high school test. I didn't answer the last two 'cause I didn't know them."

Me (to myself): "The last two questions were true/false. You've got a 50/50 chance of guessing correctly--simply stunning."
Me (out loud): "K, see you later."

Lame Excuses

Why didn't you complete the study guide?

"The internet was down on campus."
The internet was down the ENTIRE weekend. I received emails from some of you.

"I don't get your emails on the school's email account."
I told you that if you preferred you could give me another email address. None of you chose to do that.

"Can I show you my work tomorrow, cause I didn't have time to do this."
No. I don't care if you chose to complete the study guide. But given that most of you scored in the 50-60 range, you might want to try to listen to the review AND work through the study guide for yourself.

Trying Something New

Today I am going to try turning off the TV and writing the last couple of bits (that's being a little generous) of my thesis. It's a novel concept. I decided I should take my own advice and use some of those time management skills I am always harping about to my students.

My New Mantra

My potential as a scholar is not defined by my score on the GRE diagnostic quiz.

Speaking of Fashion

I covet this Christian Dior bag. It is ridiculously overpriced (I'm actually too embarrassed to admit how much it really does cost-about the same as my car is worth). I will never own it, but I love it. I am scouring everywhere for a knockoff, but so far no luck. So for now I am torturing myself by going to the Dior web page instead of searching journal articles or writing.

Grade This

My students should really be happy that I've had a couple of drinks before I grade their essays.

Margaritas: They don't make it better, but they make it possible.

Into a Death Trap

No, this time I am not referring to my students.
I made the mistake of going to Walmart on a Saturday at 11am. (I'm pretty sure that this means I have officially lost my mind... and right around midterms, not a moment too soon.)

I was adrift in a sea of cart wielding, blue-haired grannies aimlessly wandering through the health and beauty aisles. I was almost hit twice while trying to find the best mascara under $8. I guess it is my fault though, I didn't realize how close I was to the tubs of cold cream and industrial-sized bags of cotton balls. It puzzles me that Walmart can pass on the savings so you can buy a Coke for 25 cents or a gallon of bleach for a dollar, but you can't find mascara that won't flake into your contacts when you're driving for under 5 bucks.

Having found a flake free mascara for only $6, I'll spend the rest of my day grading essays, figuring out how to explain APA format to freshmen without killing myself, and contemplating just what makes me a valuable addition to x PhD program.

Circling the Drain

Your students are so disrespectful that you walked out of class?!? They say they have nothing to learn from you. Maybe the curriculum is too easy for them. (Would that be the curriculum YOU design and hold me to?) Have you tried SITTING IN A CIRCLE? (Oh, because when I stand in the front of the room, I might seem like a professor that should be respected?) Did you set community standards to follow like I suggested? (Begrudgingly, yes I did.) Oh you did. Hmm.... I'll come by your class; there are lots of different teaching styles you could use. (You're right it must be my approach to teaching and not their attitudes.)

Come on, are you kidding me?

P.S. This is really not helping to bolster my confidence as I apply to PhD programs...teaching abilities, mental stability?!?

Misc.

Is September too early for "holiday weight?"

WTF Moments

1. I spent Saturday night at a party where (1) I was the oldest person, (2) I was asked if I would buy a bra used, (3) an inebriated young woman talked to me about the various uses of POOP, and (4) I was called the matriarch of the party.
Also a law student there felt inclined to tell me that he hates cats once he found out I had one. I replied that I hated lawyers.

2. Today at the grocery I realized Jeff Foxworthy has his own brand of beef jerky.

3. My students had to email me a 300 word "paper" about what their college expectations are. It is worth 10% of their grade and the assignment included 5 questions they could answer. I had one student turn it in late and one not turn it in at all. Come on... this is the EASIEST assignment you will get in college.

Santa's Spa

I went to a spa this past weekend that involved mud baths and a massage. The mud was really more like the bottom of an old lake than something luxurious and my masseuse was an old hippie who was the love child of Santa and Z.Z. Top. But it was still relaxing and I did drink nearly a whole bottle of champagne by myself.

There were also a lot of women that looked like men at the bar my group went to. I haven't decided if it was a post-op tranny tour from SF or just a bunch of middle-aged granola loving locals. When I tell the story to others it will probably be the first of the two.

All in all, a nice break from thinking about the Zapatistas.

Things You Shouldn't Ask Your Professor (Even if they are a grad. assistant)

1. Is this class a study hall?

2. Yo, did we have homework?

3. Are you in a sorority?

4. So you don't want to have the "real" college experience? (Re: answer to question 3)

5. Is this required?

6. Man that article is fucking long. Do we have to read all of it? (P.S. The article was 10 pages).

More to come, I'm sure.

Too Early to be Jaded

It is too early, both in the semester and in my career as a teacher, to be so jaded and pessimistic about the quality of the students, but alas so it is.
Since when is "hella shit" a proper response to the question "what is culture?"?
I am constantly dumb-founded by students' complete lack of understanding of what college is (paying tuition only provides you with an opportunity to EARN a degree not the actual BA) and that success requires work (yes, you really do have not only buy the books, but also READ them).
I am also concerned when I hear some of these same quality students say they are looking forward to a career in government or teaching.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Day one- I'm ready to quit

Oh the Humanity of It All

I had forgotten the pain of the first day of school.

I arrived on campus at 9 so I could find parking before the class I TA for at NOON. After parking in an unpaved lot miles from my building, I lumbered across campus in the heat to the new and "improved" (more expensive) bookstore. This was not before I was stopped by two exchange students in the parking lot asking for my help reading their campus maps and before I traversed the quad, which for the first week of school is filled with sorority and fraternity booths. Sadly, none of the sororities handed me their information. My first year as a grad student I was offered ONE flyer, but this year none. I guess the lack of huge sunglasses, skinny jeans, and a tube top was a tip-off that I wasn't a co-ed.

At the bookstore I was asked to wait in a line in the sun to check my bag. I informed the security guard, who I was older and-let's face it-beefier than, that I wasn't going to the text book area so I didn't need to check my bag. Thank god someone distracted him so I could slip by. I made my purchase of a paperback Spanish/English dictionary and the cashier tried to give me 5 pieces of paper about book returns. Um, it's a dictionary... I pretty much know what I'm getting myself into. Odds are I'm not going to return it.

But class was good. The syllabus didn't seem to stump anyone and I got to drink coffee and catch up on gossip. All in all a successful first day.

Productivity

New research has shown that a messy desk is actually a sign of a more productive person. I don't know whether this photo reveals my immense level of productivity or my inability to keep a clean house. There is also the chance that it merely reveals a level of craziness that cannot be paralleled outside academia.

But, somehow I couldn't capture the whole mess as it exends onto the floor, the chair next to me, and the living room. I think the only saving grace is that my "desk" is also my dining room table.

Please note that the bottles of wine are full and in a really beautiful wine rack, which is not visisble because of the piles of papers. I've not resorted to leaving empty wine bottles in the midst of my research, yet.

Progress?

I've made so little progress since I last wrote about my apathy. It is really sad. My deadline is looming in the distance. And while my thesis has suffered I am now completely up-to-date on Rock of Love, Top Chef, Seasons 1 and 2 of Project Runway, and The Hills. I truely can't believe I wasted a whole weekend with this crap.
On a positive note the hundred degree temperatures will give me ample opportunity to hide in the house and write, after floating around the pool... and maybe an episode of Law and Order, of course.

Jewels of Wisdom

As part of my TA training I was told that I shouldn't make the students feel as though I have more knowledge than them.
I guess that's a good stance... Let's have the intro students assume that I don't know anything about anthropology. Surely that will foster respect-filled classroom, where they don't text their friends, play on the Internet, etc. while I go over what ethnocentrism is for the 400th time.
And shouldn't I, as a graduate student, know more about not only anthropology, but also several other subjects than the first-time freshmen I will be teaching? Isn't that the point?!?
No. No. You're right, we're all equals.

Back on Campus

My return to campus has been wonderful, particularly since, for the most part, there aren't any of those pesky students to ruin it.

What I'll miss the most

With just two days left "on the job" here are recaps of the two conversations I'll miss having the most as an academic in the work-a-day world...
Coworker: "So you're going to school?"
Me: "Yes"
Coworker: "So do you go to school at night?"
Me: "No. I'm done with my class work. I'm just researching and writing my thesis right now."
Coworker: "Oh."
1 week later
Coworker: "So do you go to school at night?"
Me: "No. I'm done with my class work. I'm just researching and writing my thesis right now."
1 week later
Coworker: "So do you go to school at night?"
Me: "Yes, I go to school at night."
Coworker: "Wow, you must be busy."
End Scene

Coworker: "Anthropology, eh."
Me: "Yup, Cultural Anthropology"
Coworker: "Do you ever watch Bones?"
Me: "Sometimes (I lie). She is a forensic Anthropologist. I study cultures."
Coworker: "Cultures? (pause) I thought that would be more like biology."
Me: "Not throat cultures, people's cultures."
Coworker: Oh.
End Scene

Very Important Work

How Addicted to Coffee Are you
50%- This is completely unacceptable for a graduate student. I think the numbers might be skewed because of my penchant for flavored lattes and the fact that I am not on campus right now, so I am only consuming 1-2 cups of coffee a day. This low level is hardly sustainable by a graduate assistant who is forced to misuse coffee during the day because drinking hard alcohol during office hours is generally shunned--though not always.

Trajectory

What follows is the basic trajectory of my thesis writing experience:
1. Prospectus approved-Excitement. I am good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.
2. Research begins- I'm in there; I'm doing it. I am on the way to being a scholar.
3. Reality check- Overwhelmed... What am I going to write about? It is here I realize I have no intellectual abilities or original scholarship worth contributing to the field.
4. What life will be like- I could end up being a file clerk or a Starbucks barista for the rest of my life...I did go to a Liberal Arts college and get a degree in Anthropology. That's really just one small step above Art History. Cry. Cry. Cry.
5. They make what?- Apathy; I realize a warehouse manager makes more than I will make post-graduation.
6. Write it out- I finally wrote more than two pages in one sitting...excitement ensues.
7. Realization- I really can turn my prospectus into chapters one and two... EXUBERANCE!
8. Wait a tick- Maybe my research isn't really enough.
9. Stagnation- Repeat steps 3 and 4 over and over and over. Gain weight from emotionally eating.
10. Time keeps on slippin'- Shit, my deadline is only three weeks away...desperation/motivation?
11. Blog Creation- Because it's more fun than an actual thesis.

Radios at Work

1. I dread every Friday morning. My macchiato from Fivebucks can hardly counter my weekly annoyance with a certain morning program's catch a cheating spouse vignette. In said vignette the radio calls a suspected cheater and see who he/she will send flowers to. Most of the time, it is not their significant other. On Fridays, everyone in Customer Service tunes their radios to hear the spectacle and they, in unison, laugh with glee as cheaters are caught.
Schadenfreude at its finest.
2. How many times can one radio station play that "I'm Coming Home" song in one day?
I get it Chris Daughtry should have won American Idol.

Apathy

My level of apathy towards my writing this week is astounding, even for me. Last night, I did manage to at least crack a book and ponder its relevance to my section on theory, but I did not take the all important next step of getting up and going to the laptop, much less turning my mental meanderings into a coherent paragraph or two.
My personal deadline of September 1 has mysteriously morphed into the first week of September and I will not allow it to go beyond that, at least that is my stance today.

2 Weeks Notice

I've turned in my two weeks notice to the "real" job I have. The thought of returning to campus has me filled with giddy excitement. The kind of of giddy excitement that only comes from having been a file clerk for the last 6 months. I'm sure by the end of September I'll be longing for days filled with mindless alphabetizing, mail sorting, and binder creating. Oh, and PHONE ANSWERING. How could I forget? But for now I am looking forward to meeting my new students, consuming unnatural amounts of coffee creamed and sugared beyond recognition, and writing.
Just think I only have to say, "Good morning/afternoon, the X company" roughly 2,000 more times.