Yes, from the guy whose probably not going to pass the class...

Some Gems from the first couple of weeks of school....
First, 5 non-traditional students of 48 is too many for one class. They will do their best to derail every train of thought.

One in particular is going to do me in before the semester is over- I'm sure of it.
For your enjoyment....
Episode One:
"How do we find cities [for the map test] we don't know? Do we just look them up."
"Yep..." [you could even use some newfangled technology like an atlas or the world wide web]

Episode Two:
"Can I ask you a question without it hurting your feelings?"
"Sure."
"Will we have videos or games or something besides lecture, because it's kinda boring to just sit here."
"Well, it is a lecture based class [because it is an UPPER DIVISION COLLEGE class]. There will be occasional videos, but mostly lecture."
"Ok. Just wanted to let you know that."

Pants on Fire

Meeting with the last of my cheaters today. He just won't give it up. Despite NOT replying to me for 2 weeks he has tried the following excuses:
"You didn't tell me I had to cite."
You would have to cite that entire essay you turned in... it was verbatim from webpages. Oh, and I did include citing in the directions.
"I pay a lot for school."
Then don't cheat.
"I don't need an A just to pass."
You couldn't have gotten an A if you had gotten 100 on the exam. Also, a D is a passing grade, just not one you like.
The joys of teaching never end.

No You Cannot Cite Wikipedia

What if you had Wikipedia as a professor?

The Iron Cage of Bureaucray

I'm so happy to have a job that doesn't involve trying to sell people on the joys of working in the wine industry or feigning a "passion for human resources" that this all is only slightly more than an annoyance...

-Contract did not come in until Friday-therefore not signable until Tuesday.
-Can't finish syllabus for printing... don't have email address yet!
-Can't upload documents to LOCUS or send to the reserve room...don't have emial!
-Can't see class list...don't have access to computer system because i don't have email!
-Can't contact computer helpdesk to try to figure out the email situation... holiday weekend!

But can finish all of MY outside reading for the first week (which means going to the bookstore for coffee) and probably can work in a pedicure (thanks to TAC for the suggestion!)

Students as Consumers

Suck on this Gonzo:
RYS

Preparing for the Semester

To Do BEFORE the semester starts:

1. Visit with potential future advisors?

2. Raise GRE score by at least 100 points.

3. Finish the readings for class.

4. Figure out if we're moving.

5. Figure out where I can GET IN!

6. Publish something, or at least submit it.

7. Cry a little.

8. Clean the house; purge it of unnecessary items (may include books, cat, and/or husband).

9. Lose weight.

10. Buy an iphone! (I bet this gets done first)

** Update:**

Did not complete anything on list, but did come up with a plan for Fall 2009:

SLAC

Something Clever (thesis edition)

Really there is nothing clever or interesting happening in my life... I've been hold up in Fivebucks drinking coffee and revising the 88 pages that are my thesis. I've got no students to compare my writing to, so I was a little down until I realized I've got no students!

In Fivebucks I did overhear a student from SLACK U talking about his study skills class and his b*tch professor. He wasn't my student, so I wondered which of my fellow TAs was his b*tch professor. Judging from his unrelenting desire to look like a homeless man, I'm guessing there is another side to that story.



In an unrelated note: in my efforts to procrastinate I googled writing a research paper and this image came up:

First, who is writing a research paper with a nib pen?

Second, why is there a leather strap? Maybe for shooting up? Or wrapping around your neck when the perfect synonym escapes you?

Lame Excuses

Why didn't you complete the study guide?

"The internet was down on campus."
The internet was down the ENTIRE weekend. I received emails from some of you.

"I don't get your emails on the school's email account."
I told you that if you preferred you could give me another email address. None of you chose to do that.

"Can I show you my work tomorrow, cause I didn't have time to do this."
No. I don't care if you chose to complete the study guide. But given that most of you scored in the 50-60 range, you might want to try to listen to the review AND work through the study guide for yourself.

Grade This

My students should really be happy that I've had a couple of drinks before I grade their essays.

Margaritas: They don't make it better, but they make it possible.

Too Early to be Jaded

It is too early, both in the semester and in my career as a teacher, to be so jaded and pessimistic about the quality of the students, but alas so it is.
Since when is "hella shit" a proper response to the question "what is culture?"?
I am constantly dumb-founded by students' complete lack of understanding of what college is (paying tuition only provides you with an opportunity to EARN a degree not the actual BA) and that success requires work (yes, you really do have not only buy the books, but also READ them).
I am also concerned when I hear some of these same quality students say they are looking forward to a career in government or teaching.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Day one- I'm ready to quit

Productivity

New research has shown that a messy desk is actually a sign of a more productive person. I don't know whether this photo reveals my immense level of productivity or my inability to keep a clean house. There is also the chance that it merely reveals a level of craziness that cannot be paralleled outside academia.

But, somehow I couldn't capture the whole mess as it exends onto the floor, the chair next to me, and the living room. I think the only saving grace is that my "desk" is also my dining room table.

Please note that the bottles of wine are full and in a really beautiful wine rack, which is not visisble because of the piles of papers. I've not resorted to leaving empty wine bottles in the midst of my research, yet.